Whenever I try to ask co-workers for some extra support to meet my goals, I get

arguments—which sometimes turn unpleasant. Do you know of any simple tactics I could

use to get what I need? I don’t like to argue, but I need their support. —Lois M.

You’re right to avoid arguments—no one wins. You might try approaching the

interaction as a negotiation in which both parties win. It takes more planning, but works better in the long run. Here are some simple guidelines.

First, plan ahead...know what you want and plan how to get it. In our rush/rush pace, we often approach negotiations with a “Ready…Fire…Aim” mindset. Before you start any negotiation, take a few minutes to identify exactly what you want. What’s the main, concern or issue? Write it down in a single sentence. This really clarifies the issues.

What are the options?

Know your options and be open to new ones. What are the options for the other person?

The benefits to the other person for granting what you want? (If there’s nothing in it for the other person, it’s unlikely you’ll get agreement easily.) The more alternative solutions you can provide, the more successful you’ll be. And be flexible—don’t stick to rules, or “the way things have always been done.” And play down your authority. Act as a partner.

Focus on the common ground—what’s fair for both parties, and issues or needs common to you both. Try to focus on the long term, rather than the short term—the benefit over the long haul—even though it may take some extra effort initially.

Check your own confidence. Successful negotiators really believe they’ll succeed. They don’t push their ideas, but act assertively, always projecting the image that what they’re suggesting is in everyone’s best interest. They’re proactive and take the initiative.

Go easy with counter proposals: responding immediately with your idea instead of taking some time to consider the other person’s. Calmly go over the proposal and then offer your ideas. Build or "hitchhike" on the other person’s idea. They’ll feel better about it.

Frequently test your understanding of the other person’s position. Ask them to clarify, but in a friendly manner. (“Bob, I’m not sure I’m getting your view accurately. Would you mind putting it another way?” You can also summarize and repeat back what they said. This shows that you're listening, and it also gives you more time to think. Asking lots of questions will help you to understand the other person’s position better.

Don’t rush.

Recognize that in the heat of conflict, we can be provoked easily--without even knowing it. So don't hesitate to take your time. If you feel under attack, use a diversion until you have time to calm down. Simply stop, or use silence, or say, "I'll get back to you on this."

And when you present your "side," don't give all your reasons--just a few of the strongest. Otherwise the other person will confront your weaker reasons and you’ll lose ground.

Try using some of these clever tactics that successful negotiator’s use:

Salami.

Cut a big problem into little ones, just like you’d cut a huge salami into small slices; then discuss one “bite” at a time.

Puppy Dog.

If you think they’ll eventually like a new approach once they try it, suggest they try it for a few days to see how it works, promising they can go back to the old way whenever they like. (A little boy who takes a puppy home from the pet store, on “loan” for the weekend, won’t want to bring it back on Monday morning.)

Cheap at the Price.

Offer to spread the cost over several weeks or months. It’s less

overwh for 60 months?)

Done Deal.

At the right time, and gently, act as though you already have agreement

(“I like your idea. Shall we start it this Friday or would you rather wait till next week?”

Bandwagon.

Suggest it might be good to look at what other good companies are doing, and imitate their lead.

Play Dumb.

Don’t act like you’re smarter than the other person. Make her feel important:

“I don’t know what to do about this situation; sometimes I’m not sure I even understand all the issues. Can you help me? How do you see it?”

Apparent Withdrawal.

You try to make the other person believe you’ve backed away from an issue when you really haven’t. (“I think I’ll look around some more. Thanks.”) Use it when you want a concession or want the other person to change his position.

Possible Responses:

• Try acting as if the person really has withdrawn, and go on with the discussion. (“You’re

welcome. Any other way we can help you?”

• Ask a "What if..." question to test their resolve.

• Let them actually withdraw and wait to see if they'll return.

Bogey ("This is all I've got.")

Always consider mentioning a bogey (a limit) when you buy a major product or service, like a house, boat, or car. ("I can afford only $15,000.” “I need an answer in two weeks to make my deadline.”)

Possible Responses:

• Have alternatives. (“I understand. How about this other model for only $14,575?”)

• Test the bogey. (“What if you could drive this car home in one hour, with all the options

you wanted, for $16,200? That’s $1500 less than we first talked about.”)

• Say you need more time to study the situation.

• Change the payment terms. “We can put you in that car this afternoon, with only 4% APR, for about $370/month for 48 months.”(By the way, this totals $17,760; always figure the total cost.)

• Find out who has the money—and who pays the final bills, and get them involved.

• Let the buyer do some things for himself to meet his own bogey. (“I think we can stay within your budget. Would you be willing to do the painting yourself?”)

• Stand firm with the price. Keep talking about the benefits; use time to test it.

Deadlines.

Deadlines can be an effective negotiation strategy. We’re often aware of time pressures upon ourselves, but assume the other person has plenty of time. But if we have deadlines, the other person probably has them too. The more we learn about the other person’s deadlines, the better we can plan our strategies. When others try to force us to meet their deadlines, don’t hesitate to test them. Ask yourself: "If I miss the deadline, can I live with the consequences?"

Good Guy/Bad Guy.

The good guy/bad guy ploy is popular strategy, often used by car dealers. One member of a negotiating team takes a hard line approach (the sales manager) while the other (the sales person) is friendly and easy to deal with. When the bad guy steps out for a few minutes, the good guy offers a deal that under the circumstances may seem too good to refuse.

Possible Responses:

• Walk out.

• Use your own bad guy. (“That price is an insult. You can’t be serious!”)

• Tell them to drop the act. (“I’d like to talk to the sales manager directly.”)

• Protest to a higher authority, like the president of the company.

• Blame him in public for playing this game.

• Predict his role early (neutralize him).

Escalation.

The price is raised after it was agreed to.

Possible Responses:

• Consider walking away from the deal; sign memos of agreement.

Counter it by changing your demand; before contract signing, ask for guarantees.

Escalating Authority.

The deal is apparently sealed, then either the buyer or seller says someone higher has to approve the deal. Of course, the higher person always wants to change the deal, so you’re forced to negotiate or repeat the arguments at each level--and could get worn out.

Possible Responses:

• Counteract by your own escalation. (Add higher-level people.)

• Prepare to walk out; go directly to the top; protest.

• Don't repeat your arguments. Let the other person do the work.

• Say you have to check with boss, board, attorney, accountant, partner.

Crunch.

"You've got to do better than that." When you hear the Crunch, you think you’re halfway to the agreement, and are grateful for a second chance.

Possible Responses:

• Find out the problem. Find out if others offer the same product/service.

• Ask what price is needed to close the deal; defend your price/total package.

• Don't cave in too fast.

Nibble.

Here you pick away at a larger issue--or asking for a little more after the deal is done. It works because most people are impatient. They want to close one deal and get on with another. And it works because it's small compared to the whole deal. When you buy $900 worth of clothes and ask for a free tie, it's hard for the salesperson to risk jeopardizing the entire sale rather than hold fast and not give away the tie.

Possible Responses:

• Publish your policies/prices; politely stand firm: a suit is a suit. (It doesn't include a tie.)

• Don't give subordinates authority to give away tidbits.

• Include the possible nibble in the sale price. (You can always cut the price if they ask for the nibble.

Knowing how to use and counter a wide variety of tactics isn’t just valuable—it’s fun.

Amazon.com lists more than 900 books on negotiating. Three I’ve read and like are:

You can Negotiate Anything by Herb Cohen; Secrets of Power Negotiating by Roger Dawson; Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In by Roger Fisher et al.