EQ—Check Yours for Better Decisions

EQ means emotional quotient—the amount of our emotional intelligence. It focuses on the idea that human interactions have an emotional aspect that’s sometimes ignored in our high-tech world, and that we need to respect our emotions for effective, productive problem-solving and relationship-building. To put it another way, your EQ measures how sensitive you are to your own feelings and the feelings of others, so that you can better understand behavior and make better decisions.

Emily A. Sterrett’s book, The Manager’s Guide to Emotional Intelligence (HRD Press) contains a self-assessment checklist that will help you discover your own EQ. Here’s a sample of that checklist. Rate yourself from 1(almost never) to 5 (almost always).

1. I’m aware of my physical reactions (twinges, aches, sudden changes) that signal a “gut reaction.”

2. I “open up” with people appropriately—not too much, but enough so that I don’t come across as cold and distant.

3. I can engage in an interaction with another person and pretty well size-up that person’s mood, based on verbal signals.

4. I have no trouble making presentations in front of groups or conducting meetings.

5. I can deal calmly, sensitively, and proactively with the emotional displays of others.

6. I can usually identify the emotion I’m feeling at any given moment.

7. I am respected and liked by others, even when they don’t agree with me.

8. I am good at managing my moods, and I seldom bring negative emotions to work.

9. I can effectively persuade others to accept my ideas without coercing them.

10. I let go of problems, anger, or hurts from the past and I can move beyond these.

How Did You Score?

If you scored less than 40 out of 50, Dr. Sterrett suggests you practice the ideas she suggests, and says your emotional score will improve as you work on specific areas. She’s discovered that effective leaders generally score high in all areas. She adds that if you want your career and relationships to soar, make a commitment to do something to improve your weaknesses each day. She suggests:

Increasing Self-Awareness

• Become aware of where in the body you are feeling an emotion: neck, shoulders, jaw, throat, abdomen, chest. If you tune in to your physical responses, you can guide the energy and respond flexibly, rather than be in the grip of the emotion.

• Spend 15-20 minutes daily on self-reflection and awareness-building. Do something silent, pleasant, relaxing such as taking a quiet walk and let your thoughts wander at will.

Overcoming Low Self-Esteem

• Work on your image. We feel better and more self-confident when we know we look good. It costs you nothing to smile, be neat, meet people’s eyes, and carry yourself proudly.

• Write your own inspiring mission statement for yourself. If your mission in life doesn’t correspond with where you are right now in your job or personal life, think about what you really want and how you can get it. Life isn’t a rehearsal. This is it. You may want to get some professional personal or career counseling.

Developing Deeper Relationships

• Use more self-disclosure. Say how you really feel about an issue and why you feel that way. Share not just from the head, but from the heart, such as revealing your worries and concerns.

• Listen actively, and talk less. Keep confidences, and keep your promises.

• Look for the best in everyone, and tell them why you like their good points.

Increasing Motivation and Optimism

• Focus on your internal voice—your dialogue with yourself. If you say things like, “I’ll never get this done,” or “They won’t like it,” consciously and deliberately re-program your dialogue for positive thoughts.

• Imagine that this is your best day ever. You’re getting a great deal accomplished, and energy is flowing. Tap into the enthusiasm you’d feel on such a day.

Now, go ahead and enjoy yourself and others more—and let them know it. You’ll be delighted with the results.