Q. The other six people on my project team always seem to take a moderate approach to solutions, and I always seem to be the one who’s pushing to do more—reach for a higher goal; raise the standard; achieve more. I’m getting frustrated, and it’s a lot of work, but it’s important that we work well together. Should I confront them with my concerns or just ride with the current?

A. Neither—at least until you sort through some issues. I wouldn’t suggest that anyone settle for mediocrity. At the same time, when six other people are pulling in one direction, there may be some wisdom in what they’re doing. And fighting the current day after day can wear you out. Ask yourself some questions:

• Why are you usually pushing for more than the team wants?

• How do team members react to your suggestions and your participation? (Are your ideas valued or seen as an annoyance? Do they see you as a visionary or someone who’s stubborn—with a need to control?)

• Deep down, how do you feel when you suggest the group shoot for a higher standard? (Excited and positive? Generally peaceful? Tense and judgmental?)

You suggested that you’re often frustrated and tired with the process. This may be a tip-off that you’re out of step with the group. In a good team—whether it’s a husband and wife or a work team—honest differences of opinion are key for the team’s growth and maximum, long-term satisfaction for team members.

Actually, it sounds like you’ve been confronting the team regularly, so they’ve probably already set up some defenses. You might want to pick a time when the team isn’t struggling with an issue and talk respectfully about your own drives, goals, and boundaries. Saying, “Here’s what usually works best for me,” or “I’m most comfortable when we…” will be better received than, “We’ve got to reach higher,” or “We can do better than this.”

Share Your Boundaries

One way to bring up your concerns might be to say, “Sometimes I'm not comfortable with the way we've been working, and maybe it's a question of style. The team is free with act in a way that works best for everyone, and I'd like to share with you what some of my boundaries are, and see if you're comfortable with them. For example, when someone agrees with me to do something, I assume it generally will be done immediately--or at least within a day or so. I have to admit I haven’t been good at letting people know what I'd like. Then I get frustrated with the deadline isn’t met. How do you feel about this? It's not my place to tell the team how we should act--only to share with you what I like to see happen. If you’re not comfortable with my style, then let’s talk about it and see if we can agree on a way to work that’s effective for all of us.”

When you speak up this way, you’re not fighting the current, but stepping into it, and

gently suggesting there may be a little different direction that will make the current flow even better. A counselor/therapist friend of mine explained it this way: “We limit ourselves by insisting HOW the current should take us. When we flow with it, we either discover unimagined opportunity along the way, or it takes us where we want to go, even if we don't recognize the route. We start pushing against it when we think that someone is preventing us from reaching our destination. We are the only ones who can do that.”

So if you continue this analogy about the current and the team’s general direction, you might reflect, “Maybe I should let the current flow where it will; step outside it and just enjoy what parts of the stream I like. Trying to swim in a current that's not taking me in a direction I want to go is a lot work. That current can take me to another part of the shore where I can enjoy the stream--just from a different viewpoint.”

If it turns out that you’re really out of synch with the team—they generally find your ideas annoying; they don’t usually value them or support your plans; they’re often not comfortable with your style—it might be best if I you got yourself on another team—get out of the current.

I’m not suggesting you drop the team if you can’t have things your own way. This may be a good time to reflect that most people mean well, and teams want to succeed. Maybe your team has a better fix on what it takes to get things done over the long haul in your organization. On the other hand, if they really are focused on mediocrity, you’re better off getting on another team, if that’s possible.