Flexibility: Put It into Your Personal Behaviors

Q. People on my new work team have been hinting that I need to be more flexible in the way I deal with them. I’ve always tried to treat everyone the same way, and there was never a problem before. Is it me or the people on my team? I don’t think I should have to change who I am to please other people. —Bill H.

A. It sounds like you’ve worked pretty much on your own before, so the team approach is a little new and uncomfortable for you. It also sounds like the people on your team have been used to communicating more openly with each other than you have, and it’s a little awkward to you. Communicating honestly is something that happens naturally when teams interact productively, and start pulling together.

Change Your Behaviors, Not Your Personality

You said you try to treat everyone the same way. Let me suggest a slightly different twist: treat everyone fairly, but never the same. No two people are alike, and each person wants to be treated as a unique person.

One way to understand personal behaviors that I’ve found effective is to think of people as having any combination of four preferred ways to act: Get It Done; Get It Right; Get Along; Get Appreciated. A good videotape this topic is How to Deal With Difficult People, available from CareerTrack.com. This audiotape provides a solid foundation for understanding other peoples’ behaviors and adapting (flexing) to them.

You can best understand the different people you’ve been dealing with by asking two questions: do they tend to focus on tasks or people? And do they like to do things quickly or slowly? If they’re task-focused and like to do things quickly, their preferred behavior is to get it done. If they’re task-focused, and like to do things slowly and carefully, their preferred behavior is to get it right. If they’re people-focused and like to do things quickly, they usually want to get appreciated. And if they’re people-focused and like to do things slowly, they usually want to get along.

Once you’ve identified the personal behavior pattern of the person you want to interact with, try to act in a way that helps you have more in common with that person—and thus relate more closely. Here are some actions that usually work best with each personality style:

“Get It Done”

Be clear, specific, brief and to the point. Stick to business. Focus on the logic and practicality of your ideas and methods. Present facts concisely. Ask "What?" questions; avoid "Why?" and "How?" Agree or disagree with the facts and results, not the person. After talking business, depart graciously. Don't ramble, waste time, or ask useless questions. Don't try to build a personal relationship. Don't come with a ready-made decision and try to get them to agree. Don't offer multiple alternatives.

“Get Appreciated”

Show that you like them. Ask about their goals and opinions. And be sure to leave time for socializing with them. Put any details in writing or structure the task for them, rather than asking them to organize the task. (They won’t do it.) Ask for their opinions/ideas about people. Plan enough time to be stimulating, fun-loving, fast-moving. Provide testimonials from people they see as important. Offer special, immediate, and extra incentives for their willingness to take risks. Focus on the positive consequences of the actions you recommend.

“Get Along”

Start with a personal comment. Break the ice slowly. Show sincere interest in them as people; find an area of common agreement. Patiently draw out their personal goals and work with them to help them achieve these goals. Listen, be responsive. Present your case softly, in a non-threatening manner. Present ideas in an organized manner: list specific steps, and any items in sequence. Ask "How" questions to draw out their opinions. Act casually, informally. Provide plenty of personal assurances and specific solutions with maximum guarantees. Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Don't be abrupt.

“Get It Right”

Prepare your "case" in advance. Stick to business. Approach them in a straightforward, direct way. Build your credibility by listing the pros and cons to any suggestion you make. Present specifics, not generalities, and do what you say you will do. Take your time, but be persistent. Create a schedule to implement action, and include a step-by-step timetable; assure them that there won't be surprises. Give them time to verify reliability of your ideas. Don't use testimonies of others or unreliable sources; Don't be disorganized, messy, informal or loud. And don’t ramble. Base any recommendations on hard data.