Q. I’ve just transferred to a new department and am uncomfortable with some of the people. They like to use “blue” humor—sometimes even more off-color—and they seem to touch each other a lot. I’m a friendly person, but I don’t like to get familiar with those I work with, and I wouldn’t like co-workers touching me. How do I handle this when it happens—as I’m sure it will? —Gladys M.

A. You have the right to set limits on what you don’t want to hear, and how you want people to relate to you. Whether the behavior is harassment or not depends on several things. Generally, though, if you’re uncomfortable with inappropriate or unwelcome behavior, and you ask people not to expose you to it, and they do it anyway, it’s harassment. The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission defines it this way:

“Unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical conduct of a sexual nature when:

• Submission to such conduct by an individual is made explicitly or implicitly a term or condition of employment;

• Submission to, or rejection of such conduct by an individual is used as the basis for an employment decision.

• Such conduct has the purpose or effect to interfere with an individual’s work performance, or creates a hostile or intimidating environment.”

It’s your right to work in an environment free from sexual harassment. That’s the law. I’m surprised some of this behavior is still going on, since most supervisors know about the huge awards granted to employees who complain and their complaints are upheld in court.

What-If Tests

Here are two practical ways to test whether certain behavior is appropriate or not:

• Would you act like this if someone you know personally—like a family member—were

watching you?

• Would you be comfortable having this reported in your company newspaper?

What to do if you think you could be the receiver of inappropriate behavior? I recommend these guidelines:

• Conduct yourself in a businesslike manner

• Dress appropriately for the job

• Be prepared to assert your right

• Know company policy and procedure for reporting harassment

• Decide, ahead of time, what action you’d take if harassed

What If It Happens?

Remain cool and professional; don’t be overly dramatic, but be direct and candid with the person; let your feelings be known immediately; report incident to Human Resources. You might also prepare some powerful put-downs in advance. You can take on several roles to help you do it well:

Yawn

Act bored, disinterested. “Are you done yet?”

Describe

“I don’t like it when you…” “I’m uncomfortable when you…Please don’t do it.”

Pretend

“I’m sorry I didn’t hear what you said.”

“I’m sorry. I still didn’t hear you; the copier is too noisy.”

Comedian

“Ha-Ha! Where do you get your material? I’ve got to write this

down. I’ve always wanted to do stand-up comedy.”

Critique

“That’s one of your better ones this week. Sometimes, you amaze me

with your versatility.” Or, “C’mon, you can do better than that.”

Keep Count

“Wow, that’s the sixth comment today. It’s a new Tuesday record.

Touching: Do’s and Don’ts

If you’re an especially friendly person, make sure you aren’t sending mixed messages when you’re in this kind of environment:

Backpedal

If you feel someone is getting too close for your comfort, step back slightly. Or step behind a chair or desk.

Substitute

If you feel the urge to hug or squeeze someone you don’t know well, consider settling for an energetic

handshake instead. It’s widely considered a more businesslike move than a hug.

Short and Sweet

If you do touch someone, make it brief – a second or two. Don’t hang onto the person.

Polite But Honest

If you’re uncomfortable with someone’s touch and your nonverbal

cues have failed to work, you might say, “I appreciate the fact that you’re trying to encourage me, but I’d rather not be touched.” If the person still doesn’t take the hint, then use one of the put-downs mentioned above.

Be Sensitive

Before touching, know your co-worker well enough to sense how

he/she would interpret a touch. When in doubt, don’t touch.

Know Yourself

Examine your own motives honestly. Was the touch a spontaneous act of affection or a method of getting

something else you want?

Respect Space

Most people reserve a personal space bubble of about 15 inches

for intimacy. A distance of about three feet or more is more appropriate for business, depending on the

region, the company, or country.

Don’t Assume

Just because you’re comfortable at a certain distance, don’t assume your co-worker is. Look for cues to

his/her comfort level.