Interrupt The Interrupters—Politely

Q. Please help. How do you deal with people who cut you off with what they think are witty comments? This is very distracting as I'm unable to finish a sentence before this person cuts in with his own comment. I'm sure this person is listening to me with an eye toward his next "witty" (nauseating) remark rather than hearing what I'm trying to convey. This is rude and disrupts my train of thought and is driving me crazy. Thanks.

A. It's possible that this other person actually may not realize what he's doing, and the solution may be as simple as politely and casually asking him if he's aware that he's cutting your off. If you find that it's deliberate, then other steps may be necessary.

There are several reasons why some people cut others off so they can speak--whether or not they're really witty. One is poor listening. Another might be insecurity. Cutting others off is a habit we can easily develop if we feel a little insecure about ourselves, and need to be "one up" on those we meet.

If it's just a listening problem, you might choose a time when you're both alone and casually ask, "Say, Tom--mind if I make a suggestion? I notice you're pretty enthusiastic about making humorous comments when people are talking. It keeps the conversation lively, but I lose my train of thought. Would you try to wait until I finish what I'm saying before you comment? I'd really appreciate it."

You said he's a "good person - good personality," so I'll assume he's open to this friendly suggestion. If it doesn't work, and he becomes defensive, it's more likely that he's insecure, and has a need to control others. This is a more serious problem, especially if the interrupter is your boss or someone higher up in the organization. In this case, you can still assert yourself, provided your good sense tells you that this person won't resent it and try to get even with you.

Try using a humorous approach: make a little joke about the behavior to take the edge off the criticism. The next time he cuts you off with what he thinks is a witty comment, you might say (with a smile) something like:

"You're the only person I know who can ask a question, answer it yourself, and then tell me what's wrong with it."

"You're a real live wire: you're not only on your toes, but on mine, too."

"We should call you 'surgeon'--you're such a cutup."

If humor doesn't work, then a more direct approach may be your only other option (unless you want to suffer in silence.) Tell the person you have something important to share with him, and choose a private place where you can't be observed or interrupted. Then, use give the feedback politely but firmly: (With a smile) "John, I've got a problem. Whenever I'm talking, and you interject a joke, I lose my train of thought —and it's driving me crazy. How about waiting until I'm finished?" You might even pat him on the back and add, "Thanks—I appreciate your helping me out with this. "

Hold your ground by recalling specific times he's done this, and the effect it's had on you and others. Each time you describe his actions, and their negative impact, include several of his good qualities so he can put the feedback in context, and not feel like he's getting a beating. If you're a little hesitant about being this assertive, you may want to practice with a friend and get feedback on how you're coming across. This way you'll appear more helpful, and come across as a friendly coach, not as the enemy. Good luck.